The horror “auteur” returns with a premise too wild for his limited skillset to capitalize on in Ice Cream Man.
What do we do with Eli Roth? After nearly 25 years in show business, he’s proven himself to be a jack of all trades and a master of none. He’s written and directed quite a few films, all of which have been met with either shock or scalding hatred. His name is on dozens of other movies and TV shows, which range from kung-fu adventures to something called A Ghost Ruined My Life. He’s rubbed shoulders with everyone from Quentin Tarantino to the Toxic Avenger. How have we, as a collective public with reasonably good taste, let this man stay afloat in the film industry?
Maybe Roth’s greatest attribute is being self aware. This man knows movies like Cabin Fever and Hostel scratch the most sadistic itches of film fans, and he’s more than happy to dig his nails into them. He may not have clever dialogue or a unique visual style, but he sure knows how to splatter blood and guts across the screen. However, that only gets you so far after a while. Now that he’s free from the Hollywood studio system and putting the spotlight on his own unfiltered creation, it might highlight how lucky he’s been to get this far with so little to show for it.
Case in point: Ice Cream Man. Co-written and directed by Roth, while also being released by his own production company (The Horror Section), this slasher should put butts in seats with its slam dunk premise; a quiet harbor side town descends into chaos when the treats of a jolly ice cream man (Ari Miller) turn kids into psycho killers. Three sassy youngsters (Charlie Zeltzer, Kiori Mirza Waldman, and Shiloh O’Reilly) avoid the frozen folly and dodge their demented classmates while trying to find a way to stop the madness. Meanwhile, the mind-controlled kids keep chopping people’s heads off and scarfing down sweets.
Losing its flavor.
Photo Credit: The Horror Section
It won’t surprise you to learn that Ice Cream Man is a tasteless affair. Roth’s script features kids talking with enough crude sass and insensitivity to make the youngsters of Sleepaway Camp jealous. Sometimes that attitude gives the right jolt to the obvious juxtaposition of the setting, giving the kids a Stephen King-esque energy to their lines. Other times it’s Roth trying to be the edgiest guy in the room with references to OnlyFans and “a touch of the ’tism.” That lack of restraint also applies to the kills here with Roth throwing plenty of ideas at the wall and most of them sticking. One minute a kid is literally scooping out someone’s brains, the next a group is playing tag with a severed hand.
It’s a shame that for all the fun ideas Roth and co-writer Noah Belson have with the premise, they can’t keep it paced well enough for the movie’s brisk 86-minute runtime. They clearly front-load Ice Cream Man with cynical attitudes and cartoonish violence, give a quick scene of exposition so that a plot can somewhat formulate, then sort-of saunter into a Twilight Zone-esque twist ending. The rest of the space in the script features plot elements that come a little too close to the likes of Weapons, Village of the Damned, Shaun of the Dead, and A Nightmare on Elm Street. There’s even a musical stinger of whispers every time a kids creeps up in the background that’s a blatant ripoff of Friday the 13th.
Horror behind the lens.
A great director can make a weak script into something substantial through visual flare, guiding actors, and a sense of creativity. Roth is not a great director, or even a good one for that matter. He at least knows how to frame creepy moments with the ice cream man lurking in the background or how the possessed kids creepily move through sets. But when it’s time for the film to really move or know when to cut from a kill to make it land, Roth just doesn’t have the filmmaking knowledge to get Ice Cream Man to ascend. It also doesn’t help that he can’t film POV shots of the kids running without headache-inducing shakey cam, or that he can’t teach his actors to properly loop dialogue in post-production.
Photo Credit: The Horror Section
Worst of all, especially in the case of this movie, is that Roth can’t direct his own actors. Working with kids in horror movies can be tricky because they likely don’t have the right training or experience to pretend to look truly terrified. Still, it would’ve been nice if Roth gave Zeltzer, Waldman, and O’Reilly just a little more motivation to look more than mildly concerned at the chaos surrounding them. He doesn’t even have the brains to ask for another take when his zombie kids don’t have synchronized creepy behaviors in shots where they’re supposed to be a hive mind. Say what you will about Zach Cregger, at least he knew how to make an army of possessed kids look terrifying (and a little funny).
The bottom line.
Roth might want to stop bragging about Ice Cream Man being a truly independent feature, because he’s asking everyone to see all of his weaknesses with no protection. For all the gory, over-the-top fun at the base level of its premise, the movie can’t dig deeper to make itself more memorable because its creator doesn’t know how to do it. Maybe, like Ed Wood in the olden days, the next movies with Roth’s name will be better. After all, Roth still cares about the art of cinema when his next two producer credits are *checks notes* a movie about an avenging stripper and another movie starring Snoop Dogg.
Ice Cream Man is playing in select theaters starting Friday, August 7. Watch the trailer below.
Images courtesy of The Horror Section.
REVIEW RATING
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Ice Cream Man - 4/10
4/10
